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Best and Worst Movie Posters of January 2013

Hi everyone! This is a new column I'll be writing every month to celebrate and shame the best and worst movie posters released last month. Are you ready? Here we go!

THE MOST SENSUAL MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013 - WINNER
THE HOST
 

Look at that! Does it make you want to have a shower? Or have sex in the rain? Or both? I would be surprised if this poster was in movie theater lobbies since it's quite erotically charged. I know absolutely nothing about the movie except it's based on a novel by some incredibly successful and mega-rich author named Stephanie Meyer (Doesn't ring a bell, but her name sounds familiar...) and it's got something to do with aliens. The movie is directed by the amazing Andrew Niccol (Gattaca, The Truman Show) so I'm definitely looking forward to it.


THE MOST SENSUAL MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013 - RUNNER-UP
TO THE WONDER


If you haven't seen the trailer for this movie then you need to check it out now because it's incredibly beautiful. The poster captures that same awe and wonder (no pun intended) you get from watching the trailer. It's got Olga Kurylenko's beautiful face on it and to the left -- some guy who looks like this guy I see at the supermarket every now and then. Oh, wait, it's Ben Affleck. Who's Ben Affleck did you just ask? He's just some good-looking actor who's already won an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay and a movie he directed last year is now the favorite to win Best Picture at this year's Oscars. Yeah -- that Ben Affleck -- I would kill twenty ants to be in his shoes right now.


THE MOST GOOGLED MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013
 
Ok, I lied. This isn't the most googled movie poster of January 2013. Actually, it could be. I really don't know, but I love how they incorporated the Google search engine and entered the movie's tagline into the search box. That's neat! I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that Owen Wilson will be a major character in the movie since there's a big, black mouse pointer pointing at him! It's just a hunch, but when the movie gets released, let me know if I was right so I can give myself a medal.


THE MOST DANGEROUS MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


WARNING! 
Viewing this movie poster could cause a SERIOUS NECK INJURY! View at your own risk! You've been warned. Though, if you're one of those people who can do a handstand for more than 0.05 seconds (I'm not one of them and never will be. Sad, I know.) then go ahead and get on your hands and do something useful. Tell me what's on that upper world. Oh, it just hit me. If Tobey Maguire was in this, it could've been some kind of Spider-Man spin-off.


THE MOST INTRIGUING MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


What is he looking at? Seriously, I want to know! Firstly, I haven't got a clue who Jake Abel is and I don't care if he's Ian O'Shea. All I care about is who and what he is looking at? Did he just notice an orgy consisting of 85 year-olds? Unlikely. Double-checking if he flushed the toilet? Maybe. Turning his head around to show off his pecs? Possibly. If anyone knows, then tell me what he's looking at! Tell me!


THE MOST UGLY MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


The poster speaks for itself. The giants in this movie are going to be really ugly.


THE MOST UNTRUSTWORTHY MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


I've seen the trailer for this movie and I've still got no idea why it's titled Epic. It's a lousy/slightly offensive title. I imagine this is how they came up with the title:
Movie Executive: Hey guys, I'm gonna need some help.
Marketing Person #1: Hi boss. What do you need?
Movie Executive: I need a really catchy title for our new movie.
Marketing Person #2: Which movie?
Movie Executive: It's our new animated one.
Marketing Person #1: That's the one that looks like Avatar. It looks epic!
Movie Executive: Brilliant! I love it! You can expect a raise next month.
Marketing Person #1: Wow, thanks boss!
Marketing Person #2: What? What just happened?

THE BEST MOVIE POSTER TO FEATURE A FLOATING CHARLIE SHEEN
A GLIMPSE INSIDE THE MIND OF CHARLES SWAN III


I guess Charlie Sheen couldn't use his warlock powers to save himself from that deadly arrow. R.I.P. man.


THE MOST BANANA-LICIOUS MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


What an effective, eye-catching poster! You learn nothing else from the poster and that's brilliant because it subtly (or not so subtly) lets the banana split and the title hint at the movie's plot. I should also inform readers that Juno Temple stars in this just incase they overdose from seeing too many Juno Temple movies this year. (She has 8 movies coming out in 2013! Ridiculous!)


THE MOST ANTI-AMERICAN MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


Wait a minute...Morgan Freeman's in this? And the White House is getting attacked? Is this a sequel to Deep Impact? It's been 17 years since dumbass aliens gloriously obliterated the White House in Independence Day, so will the terrorists in Olympus Has Fallen top the destruction in that Will Smith classic? Let's pray it does so they can fast-track the Independence Day sequel that's been talked about recently.


THE MOST AMERICA-LOVING MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


That is one clever poster. Brilliantly designed. And a great tagline. American Made Movie is a documentary I'm eager to watch simply because of this ingenious poster.


THE MOST MAGICAL MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


Olivia Wilde + Magic + Steve Carrell and Jim Carrey as magicians = One of my most anticipated movies of 2013. When I was 14 years-old, my dream job was to be either an astronaut, porn star or a magician. C'mon, who doesn't love magic? Seriously, if a hitchhiker looked friendly and wasn't going too far, I would've driven him/her to any destination. But if for some strange reason he/she decided to tell me that magic is 'lame' or 'not cool' -- I would slam on the brakes, get out of my seat, and violently kick them out onto the road. That's how serious I am.


THE BEST MOVIE POSTER TO INCITE KNIFE VIOLENCE OF JANUARY 2013


I wouldn't be surprised if some maniac went around throwing knives at people after seeing this poster. It's simply irresponsible. The designers should be arrested for inciting violence. I would be okay if it were darts, but knives may be going a little bit too far. Or is there a hidden message behind this? A subliminal message regarding Rob Lowe's movie career?


THE BEST MOVIE POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


No, I wish you were here. Just don't kill me! A gun-wielding girl in a bikini wearing a balaclava -- what more do you need? This is definitely how you create an eye-catching and iconic poster. It does what a movie poster should do: make you stop dead in your tracks and take a second look. Even if you're not a guy, you must admit it's definitely intriguing. I want to see this movie today!


THE WORST MOVIE POSTER POSTER OF JANUARY 2013


This is an absolutely horrendous poster. Badly photoshopped and just plain dull. Look at that girl's head! Have a closer look. Do you see it? 

They probably had no time to photoshop her head in so they printed out a wall-sized version of the poster then cut out a hole above her neck. Then the actress put her head through the poster like those picture stands you see at theme parks and then spent the rest of her days on this planet being self-conscious about the size of her head

A tagline should be clever and make you want to watch the movie. They should've went with this tagline
If you don't watch this movie, you'll get a bullet to the head! 
And to make the poster seem more threatening, they added bullet holes just incase anyone forgot the title of the movie. Revenge never gets old, but people certainly do, and Stallone's plastic surgery isn't helping him look any younger.

That's all for this month. Hope you enjoyed reading it. Thanks!

Thanks for reading!

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Until next time, something wonderful awaits!
Best and Worst Movie Posters of January 2013 Reviewed by Tuan Ho on 01:14 Rating: 5
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