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My Book Is Turning Into A Hollywood Movie

Hi everyone! This is one of the greatest days of my life because I can finally announce to the world that one of my short stories is being adapted into a big-budget Hollywood movie co-financed by Universal Pictures and Screen Australia. You're hearing this news first before it hits Variety and The Hollywood Reporter tomorrow morning.

WHAT'S BEING ADAPTED?
My profoundly moving story about the tallest man in the world, aptly titled, The Tallest Man in the World, which you can find on Amazon here. My cousin, Tuan Ho (who has the exact same name as me, and you can find his IMDB page here), lives in California, and has worked on big budget Hollywood movies before, including The Avengers, The Hunger Games, Thor, has been hired to do some of the effects for this movie. I'm so happy for him!
Book cover of The Tallest Man In The World

WHO'S DIRECTING IT?
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. These guys are the Coen brothers of comedies. They're the geniuses behind the Scary Movie movies, and more recently, The Starving Games, a hilarious Hunger Games parody.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer directing
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
WHO'S WRITING IT?
Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. They're the masterminds behind Star Trek, Transformers, Xena: Warrior Princess and more. It makes sense to have two writers to pair nicely with two directors.
Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman posing for a photo
Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman.
WHO'S STARRING IN IT?
The majority of the cast has not been finalized, but I can announce who has. Are you ready?

* * * Drumroll please * * *

Cody Simpson
Cody Simpson is a gay circus clown

Yes, the producers have managed to snag teen sensation Cody Simpson. He's a fellow Aussie like myself. The main producer/financier, Screen Australia, wanted to cast someone who was an Australian. I can't say I'm happy with the choice, but casting is something I have no power over. If I had my way, I would hire future Oscar-winner Zac Efron or future Nobel Peace Prize winner Kellan Lutz.

Cody Simpson will be playing a gay circus clown who runs off with the main character, who I will reveal below.

WHO ELSE IS STARRING IN IT?

* * * Drumroll please * * *


Conchita Wurst
Conchita Wurst

Don't know who she/he is? Have a listen. She/he is Austria's Eurovision contestant for this year. The producers believe he/she has big things ahead so they're trying to capitalize on it. He/she is playing one of the sidekick characters. And obviously, the producers will be dumb not to utilize her/him for the epic musical number they have in mind.


ANYONE ELSE IN IT?


Robert Pattinson

Robert Pattinson is a vampire
I need blood!
When my agent first said his name, I was like, "Who? Who the fuck is Robert Pattinson?" Well, it turns out this dude was in the Harry Potter and Twilight movies. I watched those movies, but I can't remember him from it.

YES, THERE'S MORE

The lead actor is Sam Worthington, star of Avatar.

Sam Worthington looks menacing

He's playing Sean Hummer, the hero of the movie who is around 20 feet tall and has a 6 foot penis (when fully erect). As I said, I have no say in the casting at all. If I had my way, I would not cast Sam Worthington, who is a descendant of either the oak or mahogany line of acting. I'm happy for the guy—his Avatar paychecks means he doesn't need to work another day in his life—but I'm not a big fan of his.

That's all I can reveal for now. I'll keep you updated as more comes in.

And lastly, I'd like to thank everyone who helped me get to this milestone. That includes my Mum, Dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, teachers, every follower on Twitter and every person who has stopped by this blog. And to the guy who gave me free mandarins one time—thank you very much.

I will try and get you all tickets to the premiere of the movie. And if you want, I'm sure I can arrange a meet-and-greet with Conchita Wurst.

Thanks for reading and have a beautiful April 1st!

My Book Is Turning Into A Hollywood Movie Reviewed by Tuan Ho on 11:51 Rating: 5
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